what had happened along the process?

sometimes, you wonder what had gone wrong in the education system. 

or in you.

sometimes, you get so disappointed.

and so much frustration.

sometimes, you keep on asking yourself.

what else could be done?

sometimes, you ask yourself.

what have i done wrong?

or.

what have i not done yet?

Aloha.

Haihhhh it has been almost a year that I've stopped writing anything on this blog. Life is super busy I can barely make time to sit and write although I have so much to say and want you to read hihi.

Life has been good to me, though more hectic than ever. I'm now officially married (thank God, I feel so much calmer now) but I still prefer to be called 'Miss'. Hahah talking about  issues on letting go the title as a single lady pffftttt.

There were times when I sat and stared at the screen, trying to find words that suited my emotion of that time. I feel teribbly sorry for Yatt; not long after my previous entry, I was told that she had lost her mother. What a tragic. I still remember waking up as my phone beeped next to my ears, just to read that her mother was gone. I typed and deleted few times - looking for the right words to say was not easy. I've been through such lost, and the last word I wish to hear is 'Sabar'. That's not the best word, people. Perhaps you could share things we can say for that matter. Because honestly, I'm still figuring it out.

Losing the ones you love is terribly depressing. It is not easy, it never will be easy. But life has to go on. We have to go on. I keep on reminding myself, that even though my dad is no longer with me - his blood is mine, he is me and I am him. With that, in a way he is still with me but not with the physical existence. Each day passing by - I feel normal. But whatever that could remind me of my lost would make me grieve silently. It feels like a cold pang to my face, and I hate that feeling. I guess I will always feel like this. Truth hurts. Forever.

Well, I hope you know what I mean. Yatt, and those who are facing the same thing - I wish you to be the strongest you can. You will only know your true strength only when you are tested. 

Let He does His job, okay people?

Just smile.

Smile.

:)

dalam menduga rasa cinta.

Assalamualaikum.

Tiada kata yang mampu diucap tatkala mengetahui pemergian insan tersayang. Kalau untuk memenangkan diri sendiri pun kadangkala tak terjumpa perkataan yang sesuai, inikan pula bila kawan-kawan, sanak saudara mahupun pelajar saya sendiri yang merasai kehilangan.

Beberapa hari lepas, pagi saya dikejutkan dengan mesej ringkas daripada bekas pelajar asasi saya, Yatt. Terdiam sejenak memikirkan apa yang perlu dibalas. Nak disuruh jangan menangis - tak masuk akal. Nak disuruh bersabar - pastinya kesabaran dia sudah penuh di dada dalam mengawal diri. Semuanya menjadi serba tak kena.  Yang terlintas di fikiran cuma satu; inilah ujian Allah buat kita - dalam menilai cinta kita pada Dia.

Saya sedih. Sebab dia kehilangan ibu lebih awal daripada saya kehilangan bapa saya. Namun janji Allah itu pasti. Setiap yang berlaku pasti ada hikmahnya yang hanya Allah saja yang tahu. Mati itu pasti. 

Kehilangan ini pasti akan menjadi igauan ngeri buat dia. Saya sendiri masih sedih dan sebak walaupun tiga tahun sudah berlalu. Masa bukan penentu kerana bila kita kehilangan orang tua kita, lama mana pun pasti akan masih dihimpit sedih. 

Dulu, saya sering menangis bila teringatkan 'bagaimana agaknya bila ibu atau bapa saya meninggal dunia'. Memikirkannya pun boleh buat merembes-rembes airmata. Ketika itu saya terfikir, mungkin bila ia benar-benar berlaku, separuh jiwa saya akan pergi, saya takkan mampu berdiri.

Tapi Allah Maha Kaya. 

Saya masih di sini. Sedih, tapi kini lebih kuat. Sekarang saya tahu, 'What doesn't kill me will only make me stronger'.

Kadangkala, Allah menduga kasih kita pada Dia bila diragut orang yang kita sayang. Sebab sesungguhnya, telah dikata bahawa kasih sesama manusia, cinta sesama kita adalah sementara dan hanya pinjaman semata. Bila direnggut sekelip mata - apakah kita meratap bagai hilang semua? atau lebih menyembah menyedari bahawa kita ini sekerdil-kerdil manusia. Apa pun takdak - kata gaya orang utara hahaha.

Hidup ni aneh, kan? tapi seronok.

:)

Sementara masih ada.

Ecewah tajuk. Suweettt tak? Hahaha.

Sepatutnya sudah enak dibuai mimpi pada waktu ini, tetapi perut berdendang kelaparan (eh?) hahah. Mind you readers, I'm writing this half awake; hence the mixture of languages and the informality in writing.

Ahhh, biarlah saya nak menulis apa dan bagaimana pun. Jangan mudah menilai, okay? Saya sedang cuba menulis dalam bahasa ibunda. Sesuatu yang sudah lama ditinggalkan; maka kalau ada salah dan silap harap dimaafkanlah ye.

Sepetang saya berfikir tentang sesuatu. Saya rindu bapa saya (sobbsss). Kenikmatan kehidupan yang saya sedang lalui adalah hasil didikan beliau. Dan ibu saya (duuhhhh, of course). Betapa nikmatnya hidup saya - ada kerjaya, ada kereta (walaupun masih berhutang dan jenama tempatan aje hahaha), dan insyaAllah mahu memiliki rumah sendiri. Tanpa bapa saya berpeluang menikmatinya bersama saya. 

Sedih, uolsssss.

Hidup saya dipenuhi nikmat dunia, tapi masih rasa sedih sebab tak dapat dikongsi dengan orang tersayang. Suatu ketika dulu, saya selalu berazam - nanti dah senang nak bawa mak ayah jalan-jalan, nak belanja diorang macam-macam. Nanti, bila dah senang.

Tapi Allah Maha Kaya - Dia mengatur segalanya. Bapa saya tak sempat merasa bila saya sudah sedikit senang. Belum betul-betul kaya, tapi sudah sedikit mampu nak belanja dan bawa berjalan.

Memang orang boleh kata, jadilah anak yang solehah kerana itu sumbangan saya pada bapa.  Saya mungkin tak sempat beri dia merasa nikmat dunia, tapi saya boleh menyumbang dalam saham akhirat bapa saya. Benar, saya tak sangkal. Benar, saya cuba sebaiknya namun saya cuma manusia biasa. Saya teringin nak belanja bapa saya makan sedap-sedap, belikan baju, bawa jalan-jalan. Tapi saya cuma mampu berangan dalam kepala. Buat macam mana pun, bapa saya sudah tiada.

Sobbbbsss sedihhhh.

Paling sedih bila tengok orang teruja buat persiapan perkahwinan - bapa mereka turut serta teruja dan sama naik syeikh shopping di Nilai 3 (ehhhh hahahah). Saya dah tak ada bapa. Tak terbayang di waktu akad nikah bapa saya tiada. 

Tapi mujurlah saya masih ada mak. 

Mak saya cool. Banyak hikmahnya bila bapa saya tiada. Kami lebih rapat, dan mak saya lebih sporting. Lebih terbuka dan suka melawak. Betul-betul menggantikan bapa saya. Bapa saya memang loyar buruk dan kuat membahan (sounds familiar kan? macam I kan? hahah).

Saya masih cuba nak membina kehidupan saya. Kalau dulu saya asyik menunggu konon bila senang baru nak belanja ibubapa - sekarang saya dah berubah. Saya cuba untuk menjadi lebih pemurah. Saya nak tengok mak saya gembira. 

Saya belanja tiket pergi melancong mak saya. Duit saya tak banyak, tapi hati saya gembira tengok mak saya teruja; biarpun dalam hati pening fikir apa lagi cara nak tambah duit hahahahha.

Kalau anda membaca nukilan hati saya hari ini, saya ada sedikit pesanan.

Never wait for the right moment. Tak ada apa yang pasti dalam dunia ini kecuali mati. Ibu bapa tiada gantinya. Sibuk macam mana pun, mesti balik jenguk mereka. Jangan berkira; call them as frequent as you can. Bila dah tak ada, jangan jadi macam saya. Masih terkenang-kenang dan mengharap andai masa dapat diputar semula. I miss all the calls my dad gave me, almost everyday. I miss how he made me laugh with his repetitious jokes. I miss how he annoyed me so much with his remarks. I miss how we argued over small matters. I miss his comments on how I drove. I miss him talking to me over the phone - asking me each and every time when will I come back? I miss his laugh, his smile. I miss his pat on my back after solat. I miss cutting his fingernails. I miss his requests - for me to cook dishes he liked. 

I just miss him badly.

I learn the most important thing in life. This lesson will surely be the most expensive one - I lost my dad, but I learn to love and to appreciate those who are kind to me, and to be more grateful with what I have. Love your loved ones while they are still alive. Jangan tunggu. Masa tidak menanti kita. Kematian itu pasti. Penat macam mana pun, spend your time. Listen to them. Tenung muka mereka puas-puas. Hug and kiss them while you can. Say you love them again and again. NEVER WAIT.

Kalian macam anak-anak saya, walaupun saya masih muda (ehem!). Maaf kalau kadang-kadang saya terlancang bahasa, perbuatan atau apa sahaja. 

Saya juga sedang mencuba mencari syurga. Moga saya, kalian dan sesiapa sahaja diberikan hidayah dan peluang menjadi lebih baik.

Moh kita tidur, anak-anak!

nahhhh.

kiss sampai tersepit haha.

woohooo i'm done!

After much struggling and sleepless nights, (we - lecturers are like zombies now), I'm done marking all scripts. However, I'm considered as halfway done since marks will be keyed in tomorrow and will be finalized next week. How time flies, huh? We all work like there's no tomorrow for the sake of our 'children'.

During the marking period, everyone will be missing hahahah. Each and every lecturer has different preferable ways to get things done. Me? I'm nestling at home trying to avoid the outside world (rasa macam nak mengeramkan telur pun ada sebab tak boleh tinggalkan sarang ha ha!).

But life must go on so I was running here and there, dividing tasks (my expertise) so that they will be done on time. I have started my postgraduate classes so welcome more and more sleepless nights!   -____-"

So far I'm happy with the marks. Don't worry, you will get what you deserve. I have to admit that I was offended by some students, but fret not because professionalism is my middle name LOL. I'm very professional when it comes to grading students. And if you know me well, effort means marks.

The more effort you put, the better grade you will get. InsyaAllah.

Those who are unhappy with the grade, well - it's not easy to satisfy everyone. But before you guys decide to vent on me or accusing me for being unfair or whatever, think deeply and try to mirror yourselves.

Don't ask what have I done for you, but rather ask what have you done for yourselves? Is your effort sufficient? Have you given your best? Have you tried your best? Were you really sincere attending my classes? Did you say bad things behind my back? Eh eh that's 'mengumpat' okay hahah.

But I know my students are true Muslims. They don't do bad things, they didn't say bad things. Husnudzon. :) :)

Allah is the Most Just. Honestly, I always have faith in Him. I know I'm just human and I can't escape imperfection - but having faith in Him make me feel so calm. I always pray to Him to give what's best for me, and for my students.

I hope you guys are enjoying yourselves to the max this holiday. Experience it while it lasts. Once you reach my age - holiday is no longer familiar.

Hihi I'm old. But young at heart.

Sleep tight all. I still need to revise few chapters for my next class. :) :)

plagiarism aka plagiat aka copy paste.

Just so you know, I don't tolerate plagiarism.

Those whom I noticed plagiarised for the assignment, you only get not more than three marks.

Those marks are given solely because I pity you.

Tak kisahlah panjang berjela, bermuka surat banyak pun awak tulis, menipu tetap menipu.

Allah Maha Melihat.

dan saya berasa teramat sedih dengan sikap kalian.

Kecewa.

Biar bodoh, tapi jangan jadi penipu.

Bodoh masih boleh masuk syurga.

Menipu itu berdosa.

:)

Lu fikirlah sendiri.

happy holidayssss!

Final exam is finally over. 

So do enjoy you break!

While i'm cracking my head marking your papers.

-_____-"

Just wanna share:

Masalah Lupa : Kenapa, Punca dan Cara Untuk Mengatasinya

Love, 

me.

Good luck, all!

I pray for all that may success be yours.

Love,

me.

Click here for good du'as.

English is a crazy language.

Have a nice day!

:) :)

Silenced

Berkurun lamaaaaaa.. ku rasakannnn... lalalala.. Ha layan lagu dulu sebelum mula menulis bahaha. Entah tahu ke tidak budak-budak ni lagu lama. Maklumlah, cikgu ni orang lama ehermm ehermmm hahaha. Baiklah murid-murid, berikut adalah hasil perahan otak cikgu ye. Amboi galak cakap melayu. Maaf le cikgu cakap melayu sebab letih asyik nak speaking je nanti lupa bahasa ibunda ecewah kau alasan hihi.

Let us begin with the questions. 

1. Do you think that In-Ho's mother was right when she asked In-Ho to just mind his own business and not to meddle with anything else?

First and foremost, it is not easy to simply judge the situation. I could not say who is right and who is not as it depends on which view I am looking at. 

If I were to look from the mother's perspective, I would definitely do the same. As a mother, all that she cared was the well-being of her son. She did not want In-Ho to suffer more, and to a mother all that matters is the responsibility of taking care of a family. She wanted In-Ho to be more responsible towards his daughter, what more after he had lost his wife. Teaching art means you don't easily survive, so when you have the opportunity to earn a living, you are expected not to ruin the chance. I could see that his mother was actually wanting what was best for In-Ho. She thought that by ignoring the issue, In-Ho's life would be better.

However, we cannot deny the fact that In-Ho was stuck in between the need to keep that job, and his responsibility as a human being. The idea of how someone could just keep their eyes close over the matter is almost absurd. As normal people, we are born with humanity and no matter how rough life is, humanity is not something to be taken away easily. He knew what was wrong, but he was helpless as he had to think of other things that would be affected if he decided to do something. Lending a hand means he would jeopardize his life and subsequently the life of his daughter. 

I try not to judge, hence I'm looking at both sides. To conclude, I would say that the mother was not wrong because her intention was genuine. I believe that mothers actually do care for their children and mean no harm at all; but towards the end it is In-Ho who should decide what is best for him and his daughter.

2. Do you think In-Ho had choices to make?

He had. He could choose to be part of the society and keep his eyes and mouth shut, or he could be a man with humanity. He cannot have both, no matter how much he wants it. In this case, he did have choices but it was not easy for him to decide. In the end, it was shown that he had chosen to be a man and was willing to bear the consequences rather than acted like nothing had happened. 

I was definitely astonished with his courage. He knew what was going to happen to him but he took it as a challenge. What he said to his mother at the court was so true; he could not accept himself if he decided to leave the kids with no help and he knew by doing so, he was actually being a bad father for his daughter. In my opinion, he was actually just like his mother where his daughter's interests were his main reason of living. In addition, he wanted to be just, and he wanted to stand for what he believed. Humanity must not be subsided no matter for whatever reasons, and even more if it is for the sake of money. One must believe:

And there is no creature on earth but that upon Allah is its provision, and He knows its place of dwelling and place of storage. All is in a clear register. (Hud, 6)

3. Is Min-Su's action at the end of the movie acceptable?

Min-Su's action was a result of despair he had towards the law and the society. While it is understandable to be angry and frustrated, but I simply believe one must not take action with his own hands. 

I know throughout the movie, we are shown with injustice and how corrupted the society is. However, settling the matter like what Min-Su did was unacceptable for me. Why would you end your life just because you want to have the revenge? Instead of killing myself, I would prefer if I work hard and leave that place, with a determination that I would do something to the society; educate them rather than punishing them all. I may not be able to change the world, but I know I could start with myself. 

For each one are successive [angels] before and behind him who protect him by the decree of Allah . Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. And when Allah intends for a people ill, there is no repelling it. And there is not for them besides Him any patron. (Ar-Ra'd, 11)

One thing Min-Su should know, that life is not all sweet. I truly feel the disappointment of how things were handled; I felt them too but like I said, why waste yourself? That is the best thing when you have a religion; beliefs to hold on to. In Islam, the act of desperation is what we are taught to avoid. Allah S.W.T. is the one we should turn to when we are having problems. He is the Most Merciful and the Most Just.

Is not Allah the most just of judges? (At-Tin, 8)

I strongly believe in this therefore what Min-Su did was not impressive to me, yet predictable. Many of us, although we keep on saying how we accept what has been destined to us with redha, did we really feel that? If so, why so many of us prefer to take the law into our own hands; we judge and we punish people without thinking what is beyond. We label each and every person we meet. We do this almost everyday without guilt, as if it is a norm in our life. 

It was hard for me to accept what was done to him and his brother, and I pity them for being victims, and I know it was even harder for Min-Su, but how I wish they were stronger to fight the battle from within and did not take the short cut, which was taking their own lives.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think I'll answer question 4 and 5 later. Don't have much time to do them all at one time hihi. Hope this helps, ok students? 

Do ask me in the comment area if you need me to explain more or whatever.

See you when I see you, and happy writing!

p/s: you can refer to this website if you wish to read the review.

Hello ya'lls.

Okay, first and foremost - pardon me for using informal word for my title. 

I know it has been quite some time I wrote something in here. Sorry sorry sorry. I just wish I have more time to do everything. I'm a very ambitious person, but most of the time, time doesn't permit me to do as much as I wish.

If you are new to my blog, hey welcome!!

Don't expect grand writings in here; this is just another place for me to ramble and nag things off hihihi. Well, I'm just a human being after all so mistakes are inevitable. Nothing new in my life but my semester is overrrrr! 

Hoooorayy!

As a reward for working hard preparing myself for the exam (it was tough, by the way huhu) - I watched two movies tonight. One is 'What to expect when you are expecting' and 'Black Swan'.

If you ask me for my opinion, I would suggest you to not watch both hahahaa. Sebab ada scenes censored so I'm afraid you won't be able to digest them. Yelah, kang kata cikgu ajar bukan-bukan pulak LOL. 

Do let me know if you want me to write a review on both. But hey, why don't you try writing your own review of things you have watched? And do let me know so we can share. Sharing is caring, remember? Hihihi.

I promise my students to also do the assignment and post it here (manja betul student sekarang, kan?) but can I do it later? I can't write when it's hot.

Perghhh gila tak menahan excuse.

Students, don't follow me k. Not this time hahaha.

Have a nice day, all. See you when I see you!

Life of Pi.

A very interesting yet deep movie, I would say.

The plot moves quite slow, so this movie is definitely not aimed to those who can't wait. I almost fell asleep hahahaha. Nevertheless, in between being a sleepyhead and the love I have for literature, there are few things I'd noticed that I feel I need to share.

The very first thing that captured my attention was when Pi's dad said something (more or less, I can't remember the exact lines) - you can't practice many religions (beliefs). Having too many means you believe nothing. To me, it means that you can't decide what's best for you therefore you need more than one to assure or as a backup if something doesn't work. And it shows that this kind of people, who don't really explore a religion may feel that it is not sufficient to feed their hunger for knowledge or curiosity. That one religion is not complete. However, if we look closely, I notice something else. It shows how a boy - an innocent boy feels like all religions are the same. It's about love that all these gods teach him. When we were just kids, we were so innocent and we thought of nothing complicated. Life was so easy and straight forward then; but as time passes by we started to be shaped by what we see, listen etc, and this starts to look and be complicated and we start to think so much over something; and confusion is everywhere. How people can really change over time. 

When Pi stranded on the ocean with Richard Parker, it reminds me of some friends I had in my life. Pi was upset when Richard Parker left without looking back at him, that he didn't feel the same way as Pi did - Pi felt thankful for Richard Parker as because of him he could stay sane and alive, and he thought somehow, perhaps Richard Parker would consider him as a 'friend' but he was just another tiger. A tiger is a tiger, and Pi was not more than just someone who fed him while they were together. A friend with benefit, I would say. I started to reflect, that Richard Parker is a good example of friends who would be there just because they need you, and would just leave when you no longer feed the purpose. I have many of that, how about you?

The moment when another storm hit them, and Pi had almost lost his patience - I was so sad for that as I could imagine how despair I would be if I were in his shoes. I understand his resentment as he was tested one after another. Many of us always wonder, why we are tested with so and so - but that just makes us having more faith in God. He questioned why him, and why God did this to him - typical questions we always ask to Him, don't you think? Soon after the storm, he landed on an island - it was so beautiful until Pi decided - this is it. That he would stay and live on it. That God had given him what he wanted. But he was wrong. Although that was what he wanted, and God gave him just that - it wasn't the best for him. The island is carnivorous and it kills. What a great message being told in this scene. We ask from Him this and that, He may grant our wishes but sometimes, it may not be the best for us. When things didn't go the way we want them to be, we become angry and we question Him; we feel abandoned, that God is unjust but we forget:

Sahih International

Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.

Allahuakbar. Shame on me for being easily ungrateful.

While watching it, I was actively thinking despite being sleepy. In the very beginning of the story, the writer looked for Pi because he was told that Pi could make him believe in God. When Pi told the story of his journey to the investigators and they didn't believe him because they thought it was absurd so he then described the event in a more logic way. Therefore two stories exist - the truth but seemingly unreal, and the second when it was a made up story but easily accepted. Pi asked the Canadian write which one he would prefer to believe and he picked the one with Richard Parker. If I'm not mistaken, Pi then answered "And so it goes with God". I saw this as a form of realization, that certain things may not be logical to the eyes and ears of humans - however:

Sahih International

His command is only when He intends a thing that He says to it, "Be," and it is.

Everything is possible if He says so. MasyaAllah.

I learned a lot from this movie, but my point of view and the way I reflect can be different. You can read more on the reviews and analysis for the book and you may come upon something else. But like I said, this is just my two cents - my most honest opinion. 

.والله أعلمُ بالـصـواب

the challenge to educate.

Pardon me, I'll be writing in two languages in this entry.

Wohaaa. It has been a while since my last entry. I've been tied up with so many things - mostly with my studies and work. Although my last entry was my rage on students, nevertheless it never ends there. Each and every semester, there will be more challenges coming. 

It's never an easy task to educate children. I refer my students as children (though they are older) because in a way, I honestly feel like I'm responsible towards their future. I want them to have better lives, and I want them to be able to survive.

The world is cruel, and boy if they aren't well prepared they will definitely be drowning. Yet, life has so much to offer and they have to realize that despite the evilness, there are beauties in it. Ish apalah yang I merepek ni hahahaha.

Up to one point, when I expect too much I tend to be heartbroken because they are just behaving like children. Students, they lie to your face. And sometimes even rude. Questioning and giving statements that may hurt your pride and heart. But what can I do? They are just humans. How I wish they would be more sensible before they do things and say things. But I myself was once young, and stupid. 

I may not be religious in the eyes of my students, but I mean no harm to them. Takkan ada guru yang dengan sengaja mahu menyesatkan anak didiknya. I may not use the right method or perhaps my way of teaching differs than others - but that's just me.

As much as it is unfair to ask them to accept me the way I am while I'm declining to accept them the way they are, so I'm offering my humblest apology to all my students that I was so furious at yesterday.

But again, please be reminded that I am different and I teach differently. I may be graduated in TESL, but my journey and aim do not revolve around that matter only. I want students to have broad mindset, and be practical. Life is so much more than what you learn from the textbooks.

To begin with, you must learn how to respect people. Bagus jika awak berniat untuk menegur, untuk menjadikan kehidupan lebih baik. Tapi biar berhemah caranya. Mempersoalkan sesuatu, atau menyatakan pendapat tanpa mendengar keseluruhan hujah pada saya cetek orangnya. Before you can basically judge people, give them a chance to defend or make things clear. 

Dunia seorang pelajar matlamatnya pelbagai. Selain menimba ilmu berkaitan subjek yang diambil, pelajar juga perlu membina jati diri sebagai pertahanan diri yang kuat. Pelajar harus didedahkan dengan persekitaran yang mencabar sebagai persiapan untuk dunia yang semakin hari semakin mencabar. 

Kita minta awak kerja dalam kumpulan ada wanita, ada lelaki bukan sebab kita nak awak bergaul bebas. Bukan sebab kita nak suruh awak berzina. Kita nak awak belajar bagaimana mengawal diri bila persekitaran begitu wujud nanti. Kita nak ajar awak macam mana nak guna bahasa tubuh. Nak ajar awak bagaimana komunikasi berlaku hanya dengan tubuh badan. 

Pemikiran kita jangan disingkatkan. Benar, semua pun sepatutnya mengaji al-Quran dan patut mengamalkan, memahami segala isi di dalamnya. Awak hebat, saya akui. Saya pun tak sebagus awak sebab saya cuma mengajar Bahasa Inggeris. Tapi kita orang Islam; Islam itu agama indah. Jangan dicemarkan dengan sikap terus menghukum tanpa penilaian yang mendalam.

Puas saya berfikir dari semalam - sayakah yang tersilap? atau awak? Tapi hari ini saya dapat jawapannya. Kita dua ada pendapat masing-masing. Saya hormatkan pendapat awak. Awak cuma anak muda yang masih jauh perjalanannya. Masih banyak kena belajar. But all that I ask, is for you to begin with respecting others. And seek for more knowledge. 

Dan saya, mungkin patut belajar terima pemikiran awak tu. A bit hard, but still doable. May you get whatever you wish in life, boy.

Sebagai seorang pendidik, there's nothing more we could ask than seeing our students happy and be successful.

students, you should be ashamed of yourselves.

this entry is dedicated to those students who have become the cause of my disappointment of the day.

all this while, we often hear students complain this and that about their higher institution. lecturer tak bagus, sistem teruk, assignment banyak, hostel mahal fasiliti tah apa-apa bla bla bla. it's a never ending story when it comes to their complaints. i won't say anything about it because i fully understand sometimes what they said is nothing but the truth. however, how about us, lecturers who teach them wholeheartedly but are taken for granted by them? to whom can we complain?

we must retain our professionalism. to be angry means we are not professional. fine. but we are not god. we are far from perfection and we are just humans. when somebody trigger the anger, sometimes we just react just like other humans would.

our reaction comes from your actions.

what do you expect us to do, when students mess things up with us? when you are told not to come in late - you never listen. when you are told to not to text nor to call after office hour - you never listen. when you are told to introduce yourself properly when you text and call us - you never listen. when you are told to do your assignments and hand them in on time - you never listen. when you are told to study - you never listen.

you NEVER listen. 

so how else can we talk to you? we talk nicely, we laugh together with you, we make fun and we have fun. then you forget who we are and start to treat as with less respect. you forget where you belong.

i'm not talking in a sense that i'm older nor i'm a lecturer therefore i am more superior than you. no. but please behave like adults if you do not want to be treated like children. you don't want us to be angry and start screaming our lungs off - do behave yourselves.

i know many students hate the subject i teach. ENGLISH. but please, i'm not even delighted to teach to those who feel like they have been forced to learn. if not because i sayang anak bangsa i, sebangsa seagama - i would just ignore you. seriously, i'm very much capable of doing that.

i'm not angry at you because you tak pandai. but i am very angry because inilah anak melayu kita. malas mencuba. tak nak berusaha. i tak marah you buat salah. mungkin pada you cara i tak kena, but sometimes i'm out of any way to teach you. it disappoints me sooo much that you guys cannot see how important is this bahasa penjajah yang you all benci sangat ni.

memang bahasa penjajah. fine, i know. tapi you can't deny the fact that it's important and apa yang penting WAJIB dipelajari. WAJIB, i repeat. so no excuses. you want me to help, but you don't want to help yourselves. so how? do yourselves a favour by changing your attitude. you can never learn a language over the night. it takes time. i take years to master this language. and up till now, i am still learning.

so please, stop giving excuses that you tak pandai. rasulullah s.a.w dilahirkan tak terus pandai membaca. baginda diajar membaca, dan baginda berusaha. dalam ayat quran pun dah ada. i may not be the right person untuk melebih-lebih cakap hal ilmu agama - siapalah i; but i hope you get my point.

entahlah. i'm so frustrated sebab i cannot help you. bila students susah hati, sedih cakap tak pandai i feel so helpless because i cannot help you much. STRESS, tahu?

i neh sedaya upaya nak tolong. nak bagi extra mark, suruh participate program bulan bahasa pun nak tak nak. suruh buat assignment paling simple dalam dunia, ada je yang buat nak tak nak, tak pun lagi bagus tak hantar terus. due date bulan lapan, tetiba nak jumpa esok nak submit assignment. what the whaaaaaaat?

lepas tu buat test paling simple dalam dunia - spelling je. and the words dah buat latihan dalam kelas. still tunggang terbalik. miss kelas, miss tests - do nothing. bila markah ciput baru kalut nak mintak redo. what the whaaaaattttttttttttt?

lepas tu fikir kesian lagi ni, nak jugak tolong students walaupun masing-masing perangai macam tahi. mintak WRITE an essay. means karang la esei tu sendiri. tajuk simple, "what have i learned in the first semester". 250 perkataan je. SPM pun 350-360 words tau. ada jugaaaaaaaaakkkk hamba Allah copy paste. bahasa mudah, WRITE AN ESSAY. BUKAN COPY AND PASTE ANY ARTICLE YOU FOUND ON THE NET. 

konon nak tolong pelajar jimat, tayah print kertas so email je. i dah pesan, on the subject put down your name, matric no and your group. SO THAT I KNOW YOU. email kau tah hapa-hapa namaaaa, do you expect me to know who you are? and lagi comel, ada student tanya nak tulis esei dalam group ke sebab ada perkataan group. adohaiiiii. everything has to be in details baru students nak faham ke? logikla sikit, takkan tulis esei dalam kumpulan grrrrr.

seriously, for now i feel like i'm done helping you guys. if this is how you behave - don't blame us the LECTURERS for not having good grades. you should be looking at yourselves first.

things that many don't understand.

growing older has definitely changed the way i see things. and each time i think of how i love my job and why i love it so much - i manage to brush off all the unpleasant things that tag along with the job. it's not easy to work with people with differences.

my clients are my students. i know some may say that my monthly pay comes from them, therefore i shouldn't do things the way i like. but sometimes, it's not the way i like it but rather i was left with no choice but responsibility.

errr faham ke?

baru-baru ni, i told my students that it's the worst midterm result in history. many fail the exam, despite being told how they should answer each and every question. i notice that most of them were unhappy with the result, but none came to ask me why did i say it's the worst in history.

let me explain here, ladies and gentlemen.

one, many of the students did not follow the instructions. suruh garis, dia tak garis. suruh pilih satu jawapan daripada empat pilihan jawapan, ada yang pilih lebih. 

two, they seemed like they didn't understand the questions. sebabnya, pembuat soalan menggantikan perkataan dalam text dengan synonyms. and many actually left the questions empty. MANY. whhhhhyyyyy?

three, many didn't provide relevant supporting details for the paragraph writing. and to my surprise, there were also many students who chose to leave it blank. oh myyyyyy... whyyyyy?

four, they are just unlucky because their answers were not like in the answering scheme. i know you can justify saying that it's logic and what not - but i just couldn't do anything because it's fixed and it will be unfair to other students. so, yeah. blame me for trying to be as just as i could.

it's not easy to please everyone. never been. i teased a boy in my class as i know he's smart and he is the kind who likes to compete and easily feels challenged, but i'm not sure if he purely gets what i intend to do or he just thought of it as a humiliation upon him.

students selalu rasa dimalukan when i scold them or membahan diorang dalam kelas. some say i favour orang ni lebih la apa la. without realizing it that the world works that way. the real world is unpleasant and can be so damaging, but where else we can go but facing it with solid heart and motivation? i usually takkan membahan or kacau student yang i dah nampak will be fine or sometimes i just let them be sebab i rasa tak perlu. but to those yang selalu i cari pasal tu, please forgive me. mungkin cara i salah until you feel the other way around.

all that i care for my students is for them to be able to be strong enough to face the world. i want them to be able to protect themselves by letting go, or by pushing all the negativity away, or by making the bad becomes good, turning them into inspirations rather than demotivation. i see them as my children though i'm young *eheeem*. i just don't want them to be easily hurt. life is, you know.

if he's reading this and he feels so much intimidated with my way saying that the two girls scored better than him - i hope he would get it that it was not my intention at all to humiliate him but more of provoking him to prove he can do better.

i have no idea why i feel so connected to him, but i do sense that if he's not being careful - he would just be the other boys i've known; which is not positive so it's bad since he has the potential.

boy, you are smart and i know you'll do well - but do keep yourself on the ground, keep yourself the way you should be and you'll be greater in future. with your potential, i know you'll be someone on top but make sure you carry the right attitude with you.

people with success are people with humanity and wisdom. you can't lack either one of them; or else you are just a body with no soul. 

perghhhh so deep my writing today bahahahaa. whatever, i love you all nevertheless.

Sunday, and love-hate relationship.

It is now sunday. How time flies. As much as i miss working, i do love the idea of waking up late, sleeping at any time i desire and lazing around doing nothing. 

My mentees and i are going to have a party tomorrow evening. And i'm still clueless on what to bring. Will they be okay if i just bake a cake? Throttle body cleaner

Thinking of what to bring to a party sometimes makes me feel so old hahahaa tetiba je. Tengoklah kalau rajin i'll put up some photos of the party.

Till then, peeps. Muahxxxxxxx. 

midterm results.

i'm done marking the papers.
but haven't sum up the marks for each section yet.
that one can be done later.

i miss working.
am i a workaholic now?

hello uolssssss hihi!

How i spent my raya.

There's nothing more stressful than spending time marking midterm papers and watching stupid malay dramas and movies. Cliche heh. And very much insulting the brain. 

Salam Lebaran, all.

Assalamualaikum.

ecewahhh mentang-mentang nak buat ucapan raya, maka entri pun dimulakan dengan salam baru nampak Islamik sikit ahaaakkkssss haha.

straight to the point, i'd like to wish all of you readers (if any, ehemmm2) selamat hari raya aidilfitri! 

as a human being, flaws are inevitable. i humbly apologize to all of you, if i've offended or hurt your feelings, ego and pride. most of the time, it was not my intention at all. like i said, i'm just a human being and can never be perfect.

i hope that this raya will be better than before, and that your duit raya sangat banyak so that can treat me as well bahahahahhaaa.

drive safely, enjoy yourself to the max - but be careful. and don't forget the spelling tests after raya *what a spoiler, huh? hahahaha*

ohhh yeahhh. it doesn't feel right if i don't invite you to come. so please do. but do let me know for arrangement, okay?

happy happyy happppyyy uolsssss!

Delayed.

I'm supposed to write my raya wish but i'm just too tired to even think of what words shall i put in order to really exude my real intention ecewaaahhh banyaklah alasan hahahahaaaa. 

I think i'll do it tomorrow, insyaAllah. On another hand, i notice that eating rice makes me sleepy and sloppy. Like now. But then it could also be due to the fact i slept less than three hours last night, and i spent the whole day commuting from one place to another, and it's already late hihihi. People said sufficient sleep helps to retain younger look but with the life i have, if it's true - i bet i look older than my age soon hahah. 

I had so much fun just now. My ex students treated me dinner and we talked and laughed like nobody's business. But somehow i feel bad because i couldn't really get to talk in equal turns to all. I wish we actually had a private room where the table was round and could fit us all. Sorry sangat if any of you terasa and what not. I wish i can split myself but that's just absurd isn' it?

Heh konon tak ada tenaga and idea sebab so sleepy tapi terpanjang pula entri hihihi. Shall try to sleep now. I need to look younger so it wouldn't feel weird to be among youngsters and act like one. I can really forget my age when i'm surrounded by younger people bahahahaa. 

Oh btw, i'm typing this using my phone, so please excuse me if there are errors whatsoever. Till then, muahxxxxxxxx.